dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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