If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
