They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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