I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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