I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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