i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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