Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
BRING THE BAGELS
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
