my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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