is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
