I wish I only lived at night.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
