Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
