I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
