Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Barsexuality is the new black.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
