I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
