ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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