I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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