You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
