the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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