Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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