i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
