So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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