I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
