dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
