she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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