I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
