I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
