Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
