put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
