i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
