it wasn't lemon gatorade
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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