I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
