we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
