I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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