she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Nicole vs. Life
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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