Im at strip club and am horny
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
