Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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