omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
