she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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