something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
