Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
