if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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