I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
smell my finger.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
