Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
