tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
either way he was missing a nipple.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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