So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
