There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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