hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
