two words: eviction party
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
