Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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