Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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