End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
