I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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