pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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