i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
