I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
