Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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