Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
