STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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